


glimpses of us

by anathebookworm



Series: song of peace [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Connor POV, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sickfic, and hurt/comfort, at least parts of it, connara sweetness, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 12:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anathebookworm/pseuds/anathebookworm
Summary: aka five times Kara comforts Connor and one time she allows him to believe he's the one comforting her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh, look, here I am again! you don’t exactly need to have read my other Connara fic to understand this one, but I’d suggest reading that one first. either way, it’s your call.
> 
> Oh, and if you enjoy my work, you can always say hello on Twitter! I’m @anathebookworm and I’d love to chat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, look, here I am again! you don’t exactly need to have read my other Connara fic to enjoy this, but I’d suggest reading that one first. either way, it’s your call.

**1.**

As his system reboots slowly—an unfortunate side effect of sleeping—Connor first feels how he’s still sandwiched between both Kara and Alice, the three of them with their arms wrapped on each other.

Then comes one of the most unpleasant feelings he’s ever experienced: nausea. It only happened once before, maybe twice. And always after he faced a gruesome scene or any sort of unpleasantries. Never like this. Never so...suddenly.

It’s overwhelming.

As soon as his system is running again, it blares more and more error warnings concerning the nausea. It tells him something is tainting his Thirium, and as such he needs to expel every bit of the substance that’s damaging his body.

So he stops thinking and pushes the girls aside to roll out of bed, run to somewhere safe where he can...throw up. Kara opens her eyes immediately, blinking owlishly before she starts following him. The unpleasant feeling is probably muddling his system, because Kara’s seems to reboot much faster than his did.

He barely makes it to the bathroom before he’s slumped over the sink, spitting much more Thirium than any android should. His interface warns him that he’s losing too much blood, and any more will result in him needing to consume more Thirium quickly.

None of these warnings convince his body to stop aching, to stop losing precious blood.

It lasts for almost three full minutes. When it stops, Connor can’t bring himself to move. Can’t think, focus, do anything.

And suddenly Kara’s hand is there, rubbing his back.

She doesn’t say anything, even though he can see her concerned expression. After another minute of calming himself, taking deep breaths and trying to rationalize what just happened, he whispers, “It’s the virus. Kamski’s virus. It-it has to be. It’s...simulating human reactions.”

Understanding dawns on her face. “You’re sick,” she says, nodding to herself. “This used to happen to Alice all the time. Being sick. She taught me that...that our people can still emulate some situations. I’m sorry you have to experience this.”

Thankfully he doesn’t remember ever seeing Alice going through something like this. He hopes Kara hasn’t experienced it in her own body either.

“Come on,” Kara says, grabbing him by the arm and making sure to support his weight. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

“I-I can’t,” he stutters, feeling the nausea returning with each step they’re taking. “I promised Hank we’d visit him today, I—”

“ _You’re sick,_ ” Kara repeats, eyes hard. “Which means you need rest. Which means we won’t be visiting Hank today. He can still come here, but you’re staying down until you feel better.”

“I’m already feeling better.” But instead of proving that, he somehow feels dizzy enough that his vision blackens for a few seconds. If it weren’t for Kara’s steady hands, he would’ve fallen on the corridor. He grips one of her hands tightly. “Kara, please.”

She rolls her eyes, though they’re still shinning with concern. “No. Don’t you ‘Kara’ me. You can barely stand on your own.”

He tries to move away from her to prove that yes, yes he can, but her grip is too firm. Maybe it’s for the best, but he still wanted to show her that he’s independent enough to make it past this bout of...sickness.

Kara guides him to Alice’s bedroom, since their little girl is still nestled carefully in their bed. It’s alright. He doesn’t exactly need the bed to rest, it’s mostly because it’s something the three of them got used to when learning how to become humans.

After she makes sure he’s comfortable, she sits by his side, her hands never leaving his. They don’t connect to each other, though, because the risk of accidentally sending her the virus corrupting his system is too high.

“Thank you, Kara,” he whispers, squeezing her fingers. “I...”

“Shh,” she cuts him off, though she does smile a bit. “Rest. Try to sleep some more, at least so you won’t be feeling the nausea. Alright? I’ll call Hank later, I promise. And I’ll go out to buy some Thirium for us. Next time you wake up, everything will be okay.”

He finds himself closing his eyes, obeying her despite his want to stay awake.

“Affirmative, ma’am,” he says, watching her amused smile widen before closing his eyes completely.

 

**2.**

It takes more than an entire week for Connor to go back to normal. And when it happens, the news start reporting that androids managed yet another victory: they can go back to work and should be paid accordingly. The news make sure to stress the fact that some jobs are still unavailable for them, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting to try.

He applies for his old position as a detective for the DPD.

And they reject him.

 _“Androids cannot work with law enforcement”_ is all explanation he gets. An email. It’s everything they send.

He doesn’t tell Hank any of that, can’t bring himself to mention something that makes him feel embarrassed, ashamed. But he can’t hide the truth from Kara, because she knows everything.

“They’re idiots,” she declares after accidentally probing his memory. It’s something that happens often, considering they’re usually connected to each other. “Do you want me to talk to H—”

“No,” he says quickly, grabbing her wrists and bringing Kara into a hug. “No. I...don’t want anyone to know about this. Not even Alice. Please.”

Kara wants to protest, he knows she does. She’s always ready to defend their family unit, and Connor isn’t afraid of admitting that she’s the scariest of the two of them. And she makes him feel safe, loved, protected. She most likely knows that, too.

But some things...there are some things she can’t protect him from.

“Okay,” she finally says, leaning into the hug. “Will you at least let me take care of you for a bit?”

He smiles, kissing her in the mouth. “You can always do that.”

Kara nods, squeezes his hand. “I know you...I know that being a detective was _everything_ you were before. I know it hurts that you can’t go back to that, but I...”

“Kara,” he says, interrupting her with another kiss. “Yes, it does...hurt. But you’re right about one thing: that was before everything. Before my deviancy. Before you. Alice. I wish I could have that again, I really do, but I wouldn’t change our life for anything. _You’re_ my everything now. You, Alice, Hank, Sumo...you’re all my everything. Nothing is ever going to matter more than you.”

He sees the tears running down her cheeks before he feels his own. When Kara rests her head in the crook of his neck, her tears run down his shirt, his mess her perfect hair.

It doesn’t matter.

They’re together. Everything else can wait. Everything else doesn’t matter. He can work with something else, she can work with anything she wants as well. They’re going to make it, no matter what.

(Later, much later, when Kara manages to inform Hank of the situation, he pulls some strings with Fowler and Connor receives a very different email informing him that he’s been accepted as a detective.)

 

**3.**

Connor had assumed, of course, that the recent...mass deviancy had influenced some crimes. He didn’t think it had been too much, though. After going back to the precinct, he could see how wrong he was. Hate crimes were frequent, many androids being harmed by vengeful humans. However, many androids were still committing crimes against humans as well.

It reinforced his views that there were bad people on both sides.

It didn’t bother Connor before, seeing all these hate crimes. Before his deviancy, it didn’t matter. Only solving the cases did. Now...whenever he reads reports concerning androids being found mangled in dark alleys, all he can think about is Alice. Young, sweet, naive, forgiving. He knows, knows that both he and Kara can defend themselves should anything happen. Knows they can easily defend Alice. But...

But what if something happened when neither of them was around? What if for some reason Alice wandered around the streets on her own, only to be found by some crazed human?

What would they do if Alice was hurt? What if they lost her?

The deep, unbearable ache in his chest makes him think about Hank. He thinks about Hank looking at old pictures, holding a gun to his own head.

It makes sense, and this only makes the ache deeper.

He doesn’t think about anything for the rest of the day, images of Alice flooding his mind.

Hank offers to drive him home, but he can’t. He can’t. Hank will want to talk about this, he obviously noticed something was wrong, but Connor just...can’t. This is too much. Too personal.

Perhaps he understands now why his friend would get so angry when asked about Cole.

As soon as he’s home, Kara smiles and tries to greet him. He walks past her, too much in his mind, runs straight to Alice’s bedroom. She isn’t there, but her stuffed toys are, and he grabs and hugs as many of them as he can.

He wants to cry while squeezing the toys, but there are no tears. Just worries. Alice isn’t here. Why isn’t she here? Where is she?

Kara barrels into the room, though she stops for a second at the surely pitiful sight he’s offering.

“Connor?” she asks, whispers, before storming to his side. She holds both of his cheeks in her hands. “What happened? Are you hurt?” When she tries to connect to him, see what’s causing so much stress, he doesn’t allow her. The images plaguing his head are too awful, too strong for her. She doesn’t need to see the same things. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”

“I can’t,” he tells her, looking away. Her hands fall to her sides. “You don’t want to know, Kara. I promise, you really don’t want to know.”

“You don’t need to carry a burden on your own,” she says, her voice a bit smaller than usual. “But I won’t probe. Just...let me know if it’s something I can help.”

“Kara...”

“No, really. I mean what I said. You don’t need to tell me everything. But I don’t want to see you hurt. Can you at least promise that if it’s someone giving you trouble, you’re defending yourself?”

He shakes his head, a small smile at the corner of his lips. “I promise it’s no such a thing. No one has bothered me in a long time.”

She nods, her hands going back to caress his cheeks.

“W-where’s Alice?” he finally asks, almost choking when saying Alice’s name out loud.

Kara frowns. “She’s—”

“—right here!” Alice herself shows up at the door, a huge grin covering her entire face while she hugs the same toy RK900 first gave her. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

He releases Kara in a second to run to Alice, drops in his knees to hug her tightly against his chest. “No,” he tells her. “You did nothing wrong. You could never do anything wrong. You’re perfect, Alice. Perfect. Did you know that?”

She giggles, her small hands swatting his arms playfully. “I guess I do now?”

He refuses to let her go, but allows himself to smile. “I love you, baby girl.”

“Love you too,” she says, her hands wrapping around his middle, hugging him back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this?
> 
> also i love simon but i also love the roof scene :)

**4.**

_“Take cover!”_

Connor barely thinks after he hears Hank’s surprised yell. They had been chasing an android, another one that’s been committing crimes against humans. From what they gathered earlier, this one had survived a hate crime and decided to do the same to those who hurt him before.

Two humans that had been part of a gang that acted against androids are still missing. While Connor—and Hank—would like nothing more than to let them die, they had to make sure these people wouldn’t hurt others again.

The cops accompanying them started shooting as soon as the android shot them a second ago.

“You have to stop them,” he pleads to Hank. “If they kill him, we won’t learn anything!”

“You can’t save him, it’s too late!” Hank waves him off, hands tight on his gun. “We’ll just get ourselves killed.”

No.

No, he can’t.

He can’t let this android—this man—die. Not only because it’s a life, and he swore to protect everyone he possibly could. But if this man dies, information dies with him. The potential to find out if those behind hate crimes are still alive dies with him. And he can’t let that happen.

If he does, he’ll be putting Alice in danger. His thoughts, fears of losing her are still much too fresh.

No matter what happens to him now, this is for Alice. She needs to be safe, live in a safer environment. She needs this information.

So he shrugs Hank’s concerns off and bolts towards the android.

He reaches it easily, because that’s what he was always designed to do. It doesn’t stop the android from shooting him in the shoulder twice, but that hardly matters.

When Connor grabs the android’s wrist, he does something he hadn’t done in a long while. Connor probes his memory, invades the android’s thoughts without permission. It feels like a terrible violation now, but it’s necessary.

And yet—

All he sees are things he wishes to unsee. He has seen the pictures, of course, photographs of mangled bodies of humans and androids alike. But to see everything with emotions adding to the mix, with this man’s feelings...it’s different. There’s rage, fear, sadness, pain.

And then there’s nothing.

He feels the splash of Thirium on his face, feels the exact moment the man shoots himself in the head. As soon as Connor releases his wrist, he slumps to the floor, dead.

Hank is there in a second, grabbing Connor by the shoulders and hugging him tightly. He can’t return the hug, can’t do a single thing.

“Connor!” Hank shakes him. “Connor, are you alright?”

“Okay...” he whispers after seconds of nothingness tickle by. “I’m okay...”

“He shot you,” Hank insists, putting enough distance between them to inspect Connor’s arms and shoulders. “Let me see, son. Let me see.”

“I’m okay,” he insists.

“Fuck’s sake, Connor,” Hank says, breathing quickly. “I told you not to move. Why do you never do what I say?”

Connor shakes his head. “I was connected to his memory...I...when he fired...I felt him die. Like _I_ was dying.” He releases a deep breath, turns to look at Hank. “I was scared. So...scared. But I...saw something. The humans responsible for the crimes...they’re all dead.”

“Jesus Christ, Connor, that doesn’t fucking matter,” Hank says, eyes angry for a moment before he grabs Connor and pulls him into a hug again. “All that matters is that you’re safe.”

“Lieutenant, I...I have to ask to be removed from the case for now,” he says. “I need to be with my family now. Yourself included, of course.”

Hank’s face softens. “Nah, you go be with the girls. I can handle this from here.”

* * *

 

When he makes it home, tears rolling down his cheeks, he grabs Kara and collapses against her. This is becoming something of a habit, but he can’t bring himself to care now. He needs her. He needs Kara more than anything. And she knows this. She knows, because now he’s too weak to do anything with his need of protection. He shows her everything. Lets her see everything that happened on that case, everything he felt and saw.

She hugs him tighter, wraps her arms around him while he sobs. He can’t do this. Not without her. Everything is different now, and he can’t do any of this without her strength.

“It’s okay,” Kara says, kissing both of his cheeks, wiping his tears away. “You’re safe now. We’re all safe. Nothing is going to happen. We’re safe. I love you. You hear me? I love you.”

He can only nod against her shirt, hiding his face to see if the tears will stop flowing. Kara is everything, and if she’s there for him, he can be stronger.

 

**5.**

He’s bad with emotions. Not because he feels nothing or doesn’t understand them, but because he’s been feeling too much lately. Too many emotions mixed together, too many possibilities for his system to consider. Sometimes he doesn’t even want to understand the numbers and commands on his interface, because ignoring them means he can ignore his emotions for a second longer.

Most of the time, though, the situations aren’t things that can be ignored.

Androids are, of course, extremely intelligent creatures. They can learn anything they want in a few minutes after a download. Yet, most androids are like Connor himself—with social skills that are...lacking.

President Warren arranges several deals, and soon it's announced that child androids are allowed to go to school with humans. This causes of many protests, although everything relating to androids do as well.

Alice wants to go to school.

She’s always told him, never made it a secret that everything she’s ever wanted was to be normal, be like every other teenage girl. He had always tried to indulge her, make sure she felt as “normal” and “human” as she could.

He never imagined something like school being a possibility.

This isn’t something he had the chance to plan earlier, isn’t a possibility he’s ever analyzed. And now, with all of his emotions boiling, he can’t think. This is his little girl, the greatest gift from God or rA9 or whoever. And she wants to go away. Be on her own. In this very unsafe world, where anyone could hurt her. She wants to go to places he can't follow, can't protect her.

“It’s only for a few hours,” Kara assures him, hearing his worries. She’s smiling, though. Doesn’t look worried at all. “It’s what Alice wants anyway.”

“I know,” he snaps. “I’m sorry. It’s just...she’s so young. So precious. I wouldn’t be able to live if she...if something...”

Kara puts her hands on his cheeks and leans in for a kiss. After she pulls away, she rests her head against his chest. “I know you worry. And believe me, I do too. She’s my baby. Our baby. But she wants to grow up. She... _needs_ to grow up. If it makes you feel any better, she knows it’s hard for us.”

“Do you think she’d allow me to teach her some self-defense?”

Kara chuckles. “I think she’d actually like that very much.”

He’s quiet for a moment, looking at his database. Until all he can say is a faint whisper of, “Empty nest.”

“What?” Kara looks up, her eyes wide and blue and beautiful and loving and thoughtful.

“This is how humans call this feeling. Empty nest. It means our child is going away from us.”

“Oh.” Kara nods. “We’re still going to be looking after her. Even if one day she decides she doesn’t want us around anymore...we’re always going to be there. Taking care of her.”

He nods, allowing Kara’s words to wash over him. “Yes. Always.”

Playful as always, she elbows him gently. “And, hey, think about the good side—it means we’re going to have a few hours to be on our own. All alone. In this very empty house.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “The idea has indeed some appeal.”

 

**+1.**

As his system reboots after a few hours of “sleep,” Connor first realizes he’s alone. Kara’s nowhere to be seen, her side of the bed pristine. Which means she didn’t even come to sleep yet. A look at his clock and he sees it’s past four in the morning. Much, much later than what Kara considers a “healthy bedtime.” It’s mostly a guideline for Alice, but the two of them follow it anyway.

The second thing he notices is the light sound coming from the corridor. Footsteps. He jumps from the bed and opens the door, allowing the artificial light to pool inside the otherwise dark room. He makes it into the corridor just in time to see Kara slumping on the couch, hugging her sides in a firm grip.

“Kara?” He asks carefully, kneeling next to the couch. “What are you feeling?”

She manages a strained laugh. “I’m guessing I’m the one who’s sick now. Sometimes...I hate what that virus did to us. I don’t like how it emulates this sort of reaction.”

He runs a hand through her blonde hair, not able to offer much more than a grimace.

“Hey, don’t worry about me,” she says, smiling a little. “I’ll be fine in no time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure. Please don’t worry.”

He nods, but doesn’t really find a way to accomplish her request of not worrying. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Kara’s whole demeanor softens, and she smiles once again.

“Yes,” she says, taking her free hand between her own. “You can check to see if Alice’s still sleeping and then you can come back here. I’d love some company.”

He does exactly as he’s told now, walks silently to peek inside Alice’s room (she’s sleeping alongside three stuffed animals, all of them protecting her from bad dreams like bodyguards) and returns to Kara’s side. He sits on the floor, leaning his back against the couch where Kara is lying. She immediately starts playing with his hair, humming to herself.

“I was supposed to be the one taking care of you now,” he whispers, not turning to look at Kara. “And instead _you’re_ once again taking care of _me_. This isn’t fair.”

“Don’t be silly,” she says. “I wouldn’t do anything I don’t want to do. I like taking care of things. And people.”

“But you’re sick...”

“It’ll pass,” she says, though the groan that escapes her lips next betrays her words. “Eventually.”

Connor turns around quickly, taking her hands again. “Please tell me what you’re feeling?”

Even while looking pained, Kara manages to roll her eyes. “I think it’s the equivalent of what humans call cramps. At least, that’s what my research told me.”

A quick search of his own turns him completely pale. “But this...are you sure you’re alright? I don’t think I can experience such a thing, but it sounds...very painful.”

“Oh, I assure you that it is,” she says, grimacing. “Nothing I can’t handle, though.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” he says. “I...wish I could do something.”

“Well, there’s one thing that would be very helpful now.”

He perks up. “What is it?”

Kara smiles widely. “Cuddling.”

“Cuddling?”

“Exactly.”

He smiles back this time. “Then you’ve got yourself a deal, ma’am.”


End file.
